I Need a Light

My husband is out of work.  It’s been two and a half months now.  Every day he gets online, looks for leads, sends out resumes, fills out applications, and waits by the phone.  Every night we pray and try to sound positive and lift each other up. 

Daily life has changed.  I go to work, he stays home.  He is here for the kids and does the grocery shopping.  We still make the menu and the grocery list together but there are always those nights when dinner gets away from us and I have to bring home fast food.  I used to be the one calling him, “Honey, can you bring home KFC tonight?”  It’s backwards now and getting to be more so.  I never wanted to be a working mom and have this role, but I am grateful for the job and the little income it brings in.

I’ve learned some things about myself.  I’ve learned that I don’t like having to working.  I love my job but I don’t like having to give them so much of my time every single day.  I miss doing the things that I used to do.  I miss cleaning the house.  I miss sewing and quilting and working on projects.  I miss having the time to serve others.  I miss reading.  I miss having a free Saturday since it’s now full of all the things that I have to do but couldn’t get done during the week.  I’m mourning my old life.

Time is dragging and we’re looking forward to looking back on it all.  The future is a big unknown to us.  Will we be out of work long?  Will we be moving this summer?  How long will our savings last?  Will I quit my job when he finds one?  Will we be able to find a better job than what we had or will we have to take a pay cut?  This is what bothers me the most—the big  unknown.  I want someone to tell me, “Two more weeks,” or “Get the house ready to sell.”  I need a light at the end of this tunnel.

The Sorting Hat

A few days ago I received this text from my BYUI freshman daughter, “Guess who’s the new 40^th ward sacrament meeting chorister! :D”  It was time again.  Time for all of the Bishops to pull the hat off the shelf, dust if off, and figure out where to sort all of their members. 

I have had children attending college for the past five years.  Every single semester there is the usual getting settled in a new dorm or apartment, meeting roommates, getting classes figured out, and buying books.  And every semester there is a new ward.  The bishop tries to meet with every single student-member of his ward at the beginning of the semester to get to know them and to give them a calling.  Every semester I receive a text declaring the new calling:  “Family Home Evening Mom,” “Gospel Principles Teacher,” “First Counselor—Relief Society,” “Gospel Doctrine Teacher—again,” “Second Counselor—Relief Society.”  

After the hat whispers the beloved calling the ward members know their place for the semester.  Who they work with, how they spend their time, and what their focus will be is all decided.  The Sorting Hat has done its work and takes its place of honor back on the shelf.

The Final Exam

This is the week.  I haven’t had a final exam in years.  I’ve had two online classes this semester and I have one final to worry about.  And I’m worried.

I talked to a daughter last night who, in the last two weeks, has had 11 tests, 2 papers, and 2 projects.  She has three finals left this next week and then has to pack up her apartment, have a mechanic check her car and then drive 2,500 miles home.  She has no sympathy for me.

I talked to another daughter who has 6 finals this next week.  Last week one of her classes required her to sing a solo in front of an audience.  Eesh.  I could never do that.  She also has to pack up her dorm this week and be ready to help drive home.  She has no sympathy for me.

Am I looking for sympathy?  Maybe I am.  I’m afraid of the unknown.  When I click on that open button, I have to take the test without stopping.  Match quotes to author, choose from all of the above, write well-formed paragraphs stating my position, prove I am prepared and that I can do this. 

College shouldn’t be scary.  I’ve been going on and off for over 25 years.  This should be old hat.  But it doesn’t feel like it.  This is it.  My anxiety has fully blossomed and my sleep is interrupted by thoughts of failure.  Not big failure, just little bits that I have no control over.  The computer acting up; the one question that I was sure was right so I didn’t double check; the notes that I forgot about. 

I think I’m looking for sympathy.

Thanksgiving Epiphany

The other day on facebook, I found this humorous status post:  “Thanksgiving is this weekend, remember to set your scale back 10 pounds.” 

When I read this, I smiled for two reasons.  One, it was funny and two, I wouldn’t have to be worrying about gaining weight this year.  I was sick and so unofficially, Thanksgiving was cancelled at our house!  I enjoyed the day by taking it easy, taking my medicine, and taking naps.  My husband cooked a modest dinner of hot dogs, potato salad, and pumpkin pie.  Now, I was sick, but not dead, so I ate.  It was delicious and hit the spot. 

The next morning when I stepped on the scale, to my surprise, I had gained 6 pounds.  Seriously.   

I have since decided that there is something in the cosmos that aligns a certain way during the 4^th week of November.  It affects all scales no matter what or how much you eat.  No matter what you do, you will gain weight during the Thanksgiving holiday!! 

So, next year I’ve come up with a new plan:  I’m setting my scale back 10 lbs.

M is for Merrell

Working practically full time is taking over my life. I'm grateful for my job--kids get more expensive as they get older. But there are a few things that are now on the back-burner. Keeping up a blog, reading other blogs, surfing the net to check out interesting things, housework--definitely on the back burner. I'm still trying to read a lot. My reading times haven't changed--before I fall asleep, waiting rooms, etc. But, I haven't really kept up with my list of what I've read so I have to clean my room and go through my book piles to try and remember what I've read so I can update my book list on my blog. And remember, housework is on the back-back burner. So, it'll be one of these days . . .

We had family pictures taken recently. We were able to get together a few days before Cait went back to Idaho for her 3rd semester. I'm so glad we did because it'll be about two years before we're all together again. That's a long time. And we had the pictures taken in Magnolia about a week before the fires started up there. I'm so glad we got it done when we did!! No one wants smoky pictures, or the brave fireman running with a hose through the background. Or even black tree stumps. Anyway, somehow it all worked out. Pictures done--check.

I have three quilts to make and/or finish. I'm thinking it'll be a Thanksgiving week project--I'll have time then. Cait made one that I want to help her finish, but that might wait until her next break so she can learn how to machine quilt. I have started to cut out one for my and Chris' bed and Stefanie finally chose the fabric and pattern for her graduation quilt. I have until June to finish Stef's (or if I finish it on the same time-line as her older sisters, the Christmas after).

My baby started middle school this last month. I know, kind of random to just throw that out there, but today he had a hard morning. He came home happy, but this morning was hard. I've got to take time in the afternoon when he comes home to help him organize his homework, projects, practice times for piano and cello, and remind him to brush his teeth. The bus gets him home at 4:30--not much time to do all of those things. And I'm trying to get dinner on the table and busyness sets in for all of us. Today was a time to step back and rethink our afternoons and try a new approach. Although his grades are great so far (progress reports today contain 2-100's and 2-99's), it's the keeping things organized and remembering all the everything that he needs a little help with.

(And mom needs a little help too. In the last few weeks, I've completely forgotten an orthodontist appointment and showed up for piano lessons on the wrong day.)

Another adventure that is taking over our house--the search for the perfect boot. For those of you who might not have heard, Erin received her mission call to New Hampshire recently. She's getting all of her preparations done. One thing that is required is a pair of leather boots, waterproofed, lined, low heel. Of course, there is none of that in Houston. So we've turned to the internet. Every pair of boots the girl finds have something wrong with them--price, lining, calf size, etc. She's ordered twice now and sent them both back. We've decided that she needs to wait until she gets to New Hampshire and then go shopping but tonight she's back online checking out more possibilities. And, of course, she found the perfect pair but . . . they don't have her size . . . of course.

Even though we're all quite busy around here, we have been working on The Merrell Family Challenge. Erin put this together for us--the idea came from a roommate's family. It's basically a spreadsheet and point system for keeping track of and motivating you to do things that you are already doing or should be doing. For example, if you're ready for the day by 9:30 am you get a point, floss your teeth you get a point, 15 minutes of spritual time, get a point, drink 8 glasses of water, get a point. There are 12 points possible each day. We do drawings at the end of each week for a prize and there will be a grand prize at the end of 8 weeks. There are bonus points possible for doing extra things--goals you make up for yourself, like blogging or working on a special project. At the end of the 8 weeks (5 more to go) we'll evaluate and see how it works for our family and maybe do it again after Christmas with a bigger group--it'll be a great way to start the new year. The bigger the group the more fun and the bigger the prizes. It's also been a great way to pull us a little closer. Doing things like this really connects our college kids to the family.

Well, it's time to get some kids to bed. Morning comes early around here.

(Happy now Mareen and Becky?) :)

Time to catch up.

My sister and her kids moved back home last week and I feel like an empty nester. Now we're adjusting to them being gone. Our house feels so empty. We miss them!

This isn't a big blogging moment for me, but I have to say that I'm finally catching up on a few things and have been reading today! Reading Maeve Binchey and reading blogs and catching up! And my brain is actually finding the time to think of a few subjects to write about. I love it.

Alterations

"Time is a dressmaker specializing in alterations." --Faith Baldwin

Many of you know that I sew. When I was a new mom and stayed at home and needed a hobby, I dusted off my mom's old sewing machine and started sewing baby room decor and little girl dresses. There was a lot that I had to figure out, but nap times were long and I was happy to have a hobby that I enjoyed.

As the kids grew older, I wasn't sewing for them as much, but started quilting and taking in odd jobs like sewing 50 drill team uniforms and making duvet covers and tailored bed skirts. The paying jobs gave me a bit of anxiety--getting something right for someone else, so I turn down those requests now. But I still quilt when I can--I love the creation of a quilt.

Every once in a while someone asks me to alter something for them. I do not like when that happens. I would much rather sew something from pattern to finish than alter and figure out someone else's work and fix it. I even hate to hem and sew on buttons. It's drudgery work--like housecleaning. Sometimes my girls need a formal dress made over. I procrastinate as much as possible and usually end up pulling a late one the night before, hoping it all works out. And even though it always turns out great, the process is just not fun.

My life has been altered as of late and it's not fun either. I'm not saying that I hate it and it's the worst ever, it is just taking some getting used to. It's not fun and games; it's thinking and planning and work.

The first alteration came in October when I started spending my Tuesdays and Thursdays (days off at the preschool) working at a new job. I was working 5 days a week and trying to remember when I woke up which job I was going to that day. A little bit of stress. Then about Thanksgiving time, I gave the preschool my notice and started working 5 days a week at my new job. It's a great job--I wouldn't do it if I didn't love it. But it's a change. 5 days a week is a lot more than 3 and I don't have any free time during the day to schedule a hair appointment or go grocery shopping. I have a long commute to drive and still lots to learn and get used to.

The next alteration came mid-December when my sister and her 3 kids moved in with us. She's having a rough patch and needs a place for a while. Of course we're not going to say no. She's my sister and I love her and her kids. But it's a big change. The dinner table is a tight squeeze and when we all go somewhere we have to take two cars. There's bottles to fix and diapers to change. And this was right before Christmas. I'm not saying I hate it and I'm not saying I love it. Right now it's just something to work through and hopefully fix. We're looking at the way this garment was put together in the first place and hoping that a few changes here and there will make it fit better. And the work room is my home.

It's a big alteration compared to what life used to be. I will admit, I've always been leery of change. That's a character trait I've had since birth--I still sleep in the fetal position. But life goes on and every day brings a new something whether I like it or not. The baby, 6 weeks old now, is getting bigger and when he sleeps good at night we all celebrate. We love H helping us with the dishes. And Z is turning out to be a great soccer player and is going to register for school on Monday.

We're all adjusting to our new normal. And I know we'll all survive and maybe we'll even like the new look we'll have when we're done. Right now I better get back to my unpicking.