The Fine Line

Our oldest four children have, for the most part, enjoyed participating in sports. They've been on countless soccer teams, volleyball teams, t-ball, track, years of gymnastics, years of swim team, basketball, and football. And then along comes number 5. He broke the mold.

He has played a few seasons of basketball and has been on swim team for a couple of years but doesn't really get excited about it. He likes the party/social aspect of it a lot more than the sport. (When I told him we weren't going to do swim team this year, he said, "Awesome!, but can I still go to the pep rallies?") I know that the social/team part of the sport is very important but I'm not going to pay so my son will volunteer to sit on the bench and pass out the treats at the end.

He gets very nervous about participating. I know that a lot of kids do. He gets physically sick before a game or meet. He trembles, gets pale, gets nausious, and cries, but still goes. Before his first-ever basketball game, he cried but tried to be brave the whole way there. When he could finally tell me why he was crying, I almost laughed. The only basketball game he remembered seeing was BYU v. U of H and he thought he'd be in a stadium that big with thousands of people watching. He probably thought the other team would be that tall, too. Poor baby.

I've been trying to talk up football and baseball, but he really doesn't want to play those. And I, trying to save a buck, don't push him. I think it comes down to his fear of getting hurt. He sees his older brother limping off of the football field after a big tackle, his older sister getting her nose broken in a basketball game and her arm broken on the hurdles--all war scars that they love and brag about! He does not like getting hurt at all! He also doesn't like exerting himself a lot--he's more of a take-it-easy kind of guy.

So lately I've been wondering how much should I push him? I know the importance of learning a sport--especially for a boy. Do I make him play in hopes that he will get over the nerves? Lots of boys get along fine without ever playing baseball or football, right? We have given him a break lately--no basketball this spring and no swim team this summer. We also passed this week when football sign-ups were held. I know I'm going to be ready to get back into something this fall--I hope he's up for it.

I want him to succeed at everything. I want him to play well and love playing. I want him to be on a winning team that's winning because of his contribution. I want him to want to get in the game.

There's that fine line about how much to push your child and how much to let it go. If I let it go too much his childhood will soon be over and he won't know how to play basketball with the deacons or flag football at the Turkey Bowl. If I push too much, he could get hurt and hate me. He could really hate the sport--forever--because of such a bad experience.

I just re-read this and I sound like a worrying mother--very fitting for this Mother's Day weekend. We really have a lot of power to shape our children into what we want them to be. I hope I shape him into what he should be.